A Collect for When One is a Miserable Twit
God, you know what a funk I am in and the causes are not hidden from you. Insofar as it is good for me, give me insight into those causes and lift me out of this mood I am in, and grant me the grace not to be a miserable twit; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.
A Collect for When One has Done Something Stupid
Lord, the Author of all knowledge, You know exactly what I did, and I’m not fooling you. Forgive me and give me the grace to do it differently next time, so that I don’t embarrass myself again; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.
A Collect for When One has Had a Great Day
God, the giver of every good thing, thank You for a great day filled with love and laughter. What more could I ask than that which You have given? Some days are just too great not to be repeated. Thanks again in Jesus Name, Amen.
A Collect for When is Dealing With a Compulsive Talker
Lord God of all patience, what am I going to do? She never shuts up! Talk, Talk, Talk; and I’m worn to a frazzle! Lord God, help me to see her as you see her; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
A Collect for Remembering that God is the Center of All
Lord God, You keep the earth, the moon, the sun and the stars in their orbits Help me to remember that everything doesn’t revolve around me, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
A Collect for a Mid-Day Nap
Almighty, Eternal God, how do you do it? You are never worn out, and I’m really dead on my feet. Help me unhook from all the stuff going on around me and take a rest, so that I can rise again and serve you better; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
A Collect for When One is Slightly Ridiculous
God, you are sitting in the heavens and having a good laugh; grant us most graciously to have a sense of humour about ourselves, that we might truly appreciate the silly side of our frailty and not be a nuisance to others; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
A Collect for When One is Taking Things too Personally
Gracious Father, your perspective is eternal and all encompassing; grant us such a vision of the immensity and diversity of the world around us, that we might have the grace to realize when life gets difficult that it’s not all about us and that we aren’t really all that important; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
A Collect for When One is Too Serious
Lord Jesus Christ, you are the Light of lights, shine your light on us so that we can lighten up and stop taking ourselves and everything else so seriously. We know all too well that there is some serious stuff out that there, but help us to keep things in perspective. Grant this for sake of your joy. Amen.
A Collect for When We Think We’re in Control
Oh Lord, you are in control and we’re not. Help us to so recognize that truth that we might give ourselves and those around us a break, and instead rest in trust on your perpetual grace; in the name of the Father and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
A Collect for When One is Being a Jerk
Almighty God, you see the trouble I cause myself and others. Help me to take seriously the things that I should take seriously and help me stop playing the fool when I should be doing what you want me to do. Help me to keep the balance for the sake of your glory; through Jesus Christ my Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit, lives and reigns one God for ever and ever. Amen.
A Collect for the Other Idiots Out There
Lord God Almighty¸ you know exactly who is on my mind again. Grant them the grace not to be a nuisance to me and to others; that way we would all have a lot more peace, and things would go more smoothly. Which reminds me, also help me not take their inventory, I have enough trouble with myself; through Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen.